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#1 frogess

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 10:16 PM

I'm not sure I have come to the right place!

I need some advice about a pedophile who is dating the woman next door (she incidentally is my partners ex). My partners daughter lives next door with the mother, they also have a son who chose to live with us when his mother became involved with the pedophile. I also have a daughter also who lives with us.

As you can imagine we were horrified when we learnt the mothers new boyfriend was a convicted sex offender we went down various channels, (child line, parent line, social services, police etc) to find out what we could as it was hear say at first.
We did find out the pedophile had indeed been convicted but no details could be given to my partner who was told unless the pedophile re-offended there was nothing we could do we were also told by the police woman who is managing him that his girlfriend was aware of his conviction.
The only thing we could do was warn the kids about what sort of man this was a very difficult thing to explain to them as at the time they were 13,10 and 9.

The information we had was he was having a sexual relationship with a 14yr old, and had over 200 photo's of young girls performing various sexual acts with the pedophile although it was thought the police never actually found the pictures. The pedophile himself was in his mid 40's
I have recently found out he had even been warned by a friend to stay away from the girl involved before he was caught. The pedophile it has been said is a charming character working in a popular club in town as a DJ. It seems most people don't even know about his conviction in the area. Many people who have referred to the pedophile as a charmer with the girls, they are surprised to learn he has been convicted but less surprised when they find out what for as he has always been after the young girls.

Well all that said and done there's nothing we can do about him coming to the house next door even though my partners daughter who is now 13 but is tall for her age and looks more 15/16 (who is aloud to dress up and wear make up and ridiculous heels more encouragement for him in my opinion) lives there, he can come and go even stay over until he gets caught re-offending.

My daughter went to watch her friend at a dance class this evening its the same class my partners daughter is in my daughter sat with her friends mother who was sat near my partners ex. My daughter told me at some point during the class the pedophile came in to see my partners ex bearing in mind this is a dance class full of young girls. While he was there he turned to my daughter and said her name.
This pedophile has never actually met my daughter my partners ex doesn't even acknowledge my daughter in fact when we first moved to the area she wouldn't even allow her daughter to play with my daughter but now I just found out her pedophile boyfriend not only knows who my daughter is but thinks he can speak to her too.

The fact that we have to accept the pedophile has the right to live side by side with normal people is shocking, but to think he has a right to even look in my daughters direction let alone speak to her has sent me reeling
What can I do about this?
Surely this pedophile should be no where near this dance school?

#2 Anna32

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 10:30 PM

I've just moved this into our legal questions area so that some of the officers can help you with your query.

Everyone: Obviously this is an emotive topic. Please stay calm and focus on helping the OP with the legal issues. :thumbsup:

(EDIT: Let me know if you're in Scotland, as we have a separate section for Scottish law.)

Edited by Anna32, 13 March 2012 - 10:39 PM.


#3 Sectioned Detection

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 11:17 PM

I don't understand what your asking. Is it how to stop him talking to your daughter or how to stop him going to the dance school?

#4 Altair

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:17 AM

Hi Frogess,

Thanks for taking time to sign up and query something that is obviously a concering matter for you. Unfortunately like Sectioned Detection i'm not sure what you're asking advice wise? Please can you clarify?

Am I right in thinking that you've been made aware that your next door neighbour is a convicted sex offender and you are concerned about the children in the address and your own child? If that's right then I note you've spoken to a few agencies but haven't got anywhere, have you spoken to your local neighbourhood police officer? If so what have they said?

#5 Shootist

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 04:24 PM

I'm not sure I have come to the right place!

I need some advice about a pedophile who is dating the woman next door (she incidentally is my partners ex). My partners daughter lives next door with the mother, they also have a son who chose to live with us when his mother became involved with the pedophile. I also have a daughter also who lives with us.

As you can imagine we were horrified when we learnt the mothers new boyfriend was a convicted sex offender we went down various channels, (child line, parent line, social services, police etc) to find out what we could as it was hear say at first.
We did find out the pedophile had indeed been convicted but no details could be given to my partner who was told unless the pedophile re-offended there was nothing we could do we were also told by the police woman who is managing him that his girlfriend was aware of his conviction.

It seems unlikely to me that a police officer would give any details of a conviction such as this unless there was overriding legal permissions. That police officer would almost certainly be breaking the law by doing so.

The only thing we could do was warn the kids about what sort of man this was a very difficult thing to explain to them as at the time they were 13,10 and 9.

Any parent should do this as a matter of course, and seek guidance on how to do so. The 'Strange Danger' twaddle that was peddled a few years back was dangerous nonsense. Education and information is the only real defence to paedophiles.

The information we had was he was having a sexual relationship with a 14yr old, and had over 200 photo's of young girls performing various sexual acts with the pedophile although it was thought the police never actually found the pictures. The pedophile himself was in his mid 40's
I have recently found out he had even been warned by a friend to stay away from the girl involved before he was caught. The pedophile it has been said is a charming character working in a popular club in town as a DJ. It seems most people don't even know about his conviction in the area. Many people who have referred to the pedophile as a charmer with the girls, they are surprised to learn he has been convicted but less surprised when they find out what for as he has always been after the young girls.

What was the source for this information. Paedophile cases are never discussed rationally, and can easily be subject of imaginings of people who know nothing whatever of the case.

Well all that said and done there's nothing we can do about him coming to the house next door even though my partners daughter who is now 13 but is tall for her age and looks more 15/16 (who is aloud to dress up and wear make up and ridiculous heels more encouragement for him in my opinion) lives there, he can come and go even stay over until he gets caught re-offending.

My daughter went to watch her friend at a dance class this evening its the same class my partners daughter is in my daughter sat with her friends mother who was sat near my partners ex. My daughter told me at some point during the class the pedophile came in to see my partners ex bearing in mind this is a dance class full of young girls. While he was there he turned to my daughter and said her name.
This pedophile has never actually met my daughter my partners ex doesn't even acknowledge my daughter in fact when we first moved to the area she wouldn't even allow her daughter to play with my daughter but now I just found out her pedophile boyfriend not only knows who my daughter is but thinks he can speak to her too.

The fact that we have to accept the pedophile has the right to live side by side with normal people is shocking, but to think he has a right to even look in my daughters direction let alone speak to her has sent me reeling
What can I do about this?

Perhaps you should learn to deal with it. What else can be done? Capital punishment for him is not going to happen. Neither is exile to an island inhabited only by his kind. He is here, and so are others, of whom you do not know. All you can do is educate your daughter, preferably not in the style of the Daily Mail.

Surely this pedophile should be no where near this dance school?


This may actually be a clue that your information about this man was incorrect. Had he been convicted of a serious sexual offence against children, he almost certainly wouldn't have been allowed near the dance scool. There is nothing so delightful to gossips as to spread such information about someone. I have known a man seriously wounded and nearly killed because of such false and malicious gossip.

#6 meditate

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 08:11 PM

There is some truth in what you are saying Shootist. I also wonder how the OP knows about the 200 plus photos of the the 'accused' performing sex acts with a young girl of which the police could not find? It concerns me that all and sundry are being informed about what this guy has done when in fact this may not actually be the case. The reason I get concerned is that there was a case several years ago where a Paediatrician was beaten up because the locals couldn't even work out he was a doctor! And I bet that started on rumour and innuendo as well. Its one thing to be concerned about someone locally and its another to make their lives a living hell unnecessarily based on evidence that at best may not even stack up.

#7 Sectioned Detection

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:28 PM

It wasn't an assault it was graffiti which is not as bad. But it was because the offenders couldn't spell!

http://m.guardian.co...uk&type=article

#8 meditate

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 09:53 PM

That sounds like the case I was referring to.

Edited by meditate, 14 March 2012 - 09:54 PM.


#9 Shootist

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 12:07 AM

There is some truth in what you are saying Shootist.


Kind words indeed. Unfortunately, some people seem to prefer ignorance and bigotry to considering facts and truth. Happens all over.

#10 marralass

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 08:26 AM

Whilst it would be nice to think that a peadofile would have restrictions stopping him going near a dance class, we had a case in this area where a convicted peadofile, who had already breached his licence once, was homed in a flat that backed onto a primary school, a stones throw from a public playground. Sometimes the system doesn't quite work how it should. It may be worth reporting his visit to the dance class to the police so that they can check if he has breached any restrictions.

#11 Scottish. SXP.

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 12:11 PM

If "frogess" Was to make such a report to Police.

Would officer(s) be able to access. I believe its called Sex Offenders Register?
To find out first if he has committed any such offences before approaching alleged person?

If he was on register what action could officer take?

Also if he was not on Register. Could Officer(s) take any actions against complainant?


#12 frogess

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 06:48 PM

This may actually be a clue that your information about this man was incorrect. Had he been convicted of a serious sexual offence against children, he almost certainly wouldn't have been allowed near the dance scool. There is nothing so delightful to gossips as to spread such information about someone. I have known a man seriously wounded and nearly killed because of such false and malicious gossip.

Thank you for responding

We know for definite he has been convicted for a sexual act with a minor the police could confirm that much they also confirmed he was on the sex offenders register.
It was the police woman who deals with sex offenders in our area that confirmed this, she was quite vague and defensive of the pedophile but as my partners daughter lives in the house he visits she had to confirm that he was a sex offender on the register but would give no further details.
My concern is that he made a point of speaking to my daughter when he knows we have found it difficult knowing what he is and that he calls at the house next door
.
Its very difficult knowing he visits the house next door but my daughter has absolutely nothing to do with him nor his girlfriend so why would he speak to her? It made my daughter very uncomfortable as she knows what he is. I have never spoken to him neither has my partner I have passed him in the street and he has never acknowledged me nor would I him so why speak to my 11yr old daughter

#13 frogess

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 06:52 PM

I've just moved this into our legal questions area so that some of the officers can help you with your query.

Everyone: Obviously this is an emotive topic. Please stay calm and focus on helping the OP with the legal issues. :thumbsup:

(EDIT: Let me know if you're in Scotland, as we have a separate section for Scottish law.)

Thank you for your time
My appologies for not responding till now I have checked my email for notice of reply. I just didn't know how these posts work
I'm here now and will try and reply to all comments :-/

I'm in Wales Aberystwyth

#14 frogess

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 07:02 PM

I don't understand what your asking. Is it how to stop him talking to your daughter or how to stop him going to the dance school?


My daughter just went there to watch her friend but I'm sure he shouldn't be there and I'm sure if the other parents were aware of what he is they wouldn't want him there either
He doesn.t even have a child in the dance group he went there to see his girlfriend he is in his mid 50s these are young girls mostly still at school.

The other issue I have is he wouldn't acknowledged myself or my partner and we certainly wouldn't acknowledged him so why make my daughter feel uncomfortable by speaking to her bearing in mind she is only 11 :mad:

#15 Shootist

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 07:15 PM

Thank you for responding

We know for definite he has been convicted for a sexual act with a minor the police could confirm that much they also confirmed he was on the sex offenders register.
It was the police woman who deals with sex offenders in our area that confirmed this, she was quite vague and defensive of the pedophile but as my partners daughter lives in the house he visits she had to confirm that he was a sex offender on the register but would give no further details.
My concern is that he made a point of speaking to my daughter when he knows we have found it difficult knowing what he is and that he calls at the house next door
.
Its very difficult knowing he visits the house next door but my daughter has absolutely nothing to do with him nor his girlfriend so why would he speak to her? It made my daughter very uncomfortable as she knows what he is. I have never spoken to him neither has my partner I have passed him in the street and he has never acknowledged me nor would I him so why speak to my 11yr old daughter


OK. Here's my advice for what it's worth. Firstly, paedophiles are not often also rapists. He is extremely unlikely to exert any force upon your daughter. In that respect he is as safe as the next man. Possibly safer. His route to your daughter, if any, will be in the line of grooming. As your daughter is aged 11, she is, in today's world, probably quite knowledgeabe about sex, and also aware of the existence, and probably the basic operations tactics of paedophiles. Kids talk to each other about such subjects, it's a fact. Your daughter is most unlikley to want to talk to you, or any other family adult about this subject, and will most likley curl up with embarrassment should you broach the subject with her. Nevertheless, it is my personal belief that the only real defence for children against this problem is information and education, preferably without the Daily Mail hysteria.

Why would he speak to her? Well, you've already answered that question. He's a paedophile. That means, literally, he loves children. Of course he's going to speak to her if the opportunity presents. Your daughter is already aware of his habits, and I imagine has no wish to speak to him. You're ahead of the game there. Reassure her that he is the problem, and the problem can be resolved by her simply not speaking to him.

Practical measures? Firstly, I suspect you would be best employed writing a long letter to the Chief Constable of your local force explaining your worries. You might wish to cc a copy to the head of your local social Services. Make it polite, neutral, but express your concerns. Ask if your information is correct. Who knows, you may get an interesting answer. Second, I would consider, if you are up to it, speaking the man himself. Explain your concerns, and ask him not to speak to your daughter. This needs to be done politely if it is to have any good effect. further explanations about the consequences of him approaching your daughter depends upon your outlook and abilities, and deserves careful consideration.

Finally, don't listen to the rumour mill. If this man is known for any association with paedophilia, then you will soone ror later meet someone who will swear that they know every sordid detail. This person will not be waving firebrands and/or a pitchfork, so it might be quite difficult to tell that he.sho is most likely a complete fantasy world tosser.

#16 frogess

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 07:16 PM

Hi Frogess,

Thanks for taking time to sign up and query something that is obviously a concering matter for you. Unfortunately like Sectioned Detection i'm not sure what you're asking advice wise? Please can you clarify?

Am I right in thinking that you've been made aware that your next door neighbour is a convicted sex offender and you are concerned about the children in the address and your own child? If that's right then I note you've spoken to a few agencies but haven't got anywhere, have you spoken to your local neighbourhood police officer? If so what have they said?


Yes we have known about this man for the past 2 1/2 years, it was the local officer who confirmed he was a sex offender on the register but couldn't confirm any details
Unless he re offends he is classed as safe to be in the community short of taking the law into our own hands we have had to sit tight and pray it will never happen.
I became riled that he spoke to my 11 yr old daughter saying her name when he was at a dance class, the dance group are mostly still at school he just popped in to speak to his girlfriend who was there with her daughter.

He wouldn't acknowledge myself nor my partner if he saw us in passing nor would we acknowledge him so why would he speak to my 11 yr old daughter it made he feel uncomfortable as she knows what he is.

#17 Shootist

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 07:18 PM

It wasn't an assault it was graffiti which is not as bad. But it was because the offenders couldn't spell!


Proof enough of that on this thread. :whistling: :biggrin:

#18 frogess

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 07:37 PM

There is some truth in what you are saying Shootist. I also wonder how the OP knows about the 200 plus photos of the the 'accused' performing sex acts with a young girl of which the police could not find? It concerns me that all and sundry are being informed about what this guy has done when in fact this may not actually be the case. The reason I get concerned is that there was a case several years ago where a Paediatrician was beaten up because the locals couldn't even work out he was a doctor! And I bet that started on rumour and innuendo as well. Its one thing to be concerned about someone locally and its another to make their lives a living hell unnecessarily based on evidence that at best may not even stack up.


I totally understand what your saying I'm not here to stir anything up I know the law is the law and everyone has rights
Firstly the photos weren't of 1 girl in particular they were of several different girls I didn't say they were under age I know one of them was which is the girl he was sentenced for
the person who told us to check this man out had been friends with the pedophile when growing up a few years ago he showed him the room of pictures he said men like to see a pretty girl but these pics made him uncomfortable. Weather he got rid of those pic I have no idea.
My partners ex was seeing the pedophile for a while when the friend told my partner he wasn't sure for definite but he thought the person his ex was seeing may have a conviction for being with a young girl
This was how we got to know it wasn't idle gossip it was a man who has kids himself and was concerned

Its not something we chat about in the town all we are interested in is keeping our kids safe my partners son lives with us because the pedo made him feel un comfortable at his mothers house.

#19 frogess

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 07:59 PM

OK. Here's my advice for what it's worth. Firstly, paedophiles are not often also rapists. He is extremely unlikely to exert any force upon your daughter. In that respect he is as safe as the next man. Possibly safer. His route to your daughter, if any, will be in the line of grooming. As your daughter is aged 11, she is, in today's world, probably quite knowledgeabe about sex, and also aware of the existence, and probably the basic operations tactics of paedophiles. Kids talk to each other about such subjects, it's a fact. Your daughter is most unlikley to want to talk to you, or any other family adult about this subject, and will most likley curl up with embarrassment should you broach the subject with her. Nevertheless, it is my personal belief that the only real defence for children against this problem is information and education, preferably without the Daily Mail hysteria.

Why would he speak to her? Well, you've already answered that question. He's a paedophile. That means, literally, he loves children. Of course he's going to speak to her if the opportunity presents. Your daughter is already aware of his habits, and I imagine has no wish to speak to him. You're ahead of the game there. Reassure her that he is the problem, and the problem can be resolved by her simply not speaking to him.

Practical measures? Firstly, I suspect you would be best employed writing a long letter to the Chief Constable of your local force explaining your worries. You might wish to cc a copy to the head of your local social Services. Make it polite, neutral, but express your concerns. Ask if your information is correct. Who knows, you may get an interesting answer. Second, I would consider, if you are up to it, speaking the man himself. Explain your concerns, and ask him not to speak to your daughter. This needs to be done politely if it is to have any good effect. further explanations about the consequences of him approaching your daughter depends upon your outlook and abilities, and deserves careful consideration.

Finally, don't listen to the rumour mill. If this man is known for any association with paedophilia, then you will soone ror later meet someone who will swear that they know every sordid detail. This person will not be waving firebrands and/or a pitchfork, so it might be quite difficult to tell that he.sho is most likely a complete fantasy world tosser.

Thank you so much for this advise I know I might sound a bit mad but if anything ever happened to my daughter knowing I may have been able to prevent it would destroy me.

I will write that letter to the Chief Constable and social services
I'm not sure about actually speaking to the man himself
I have told my daughter if he ever speaks to her again just tell him polity not to speak to her then walk away

#20 norfolknchance

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 07:18 PM

Thank you for responding

We know for definite he has been convicted for a sexual act with a minor the police could confirm that much they also confirmed he was on the sex offenders register.
It was the police woman who deals with sex offenders in our area that confirmed this, she was quite vague and defensive of the pedophile but as my partners daughter lives in the house he visits she had to confirm that he was a sex offender on the register but would give no further details.
My concern is that he made a point of speaking to my daughter when he knows we have found it difficult knowing what he is and that he calls at the house next door
.
Its very difficult knowing he visits the house next door but my daughter has absolutely nothing to do with him nor his girlfriend so why would he speak to her? It made my daughter very uncomfortable as she knows what he is. I have never spoken to him neither has my partner I have passed him in the street and he has never acknowledged me nor would I him so why speak to my 11yr old daughter

Hi have you asked for Sarahs Law yet,should give you all info you need if the correct procedure is carried out applying for it but i wouldnt bank on it worth a try.......




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