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Is it Rape


Best Answer Anna32, 10 November 2012 - 08:10 AM

(Just moved this thread to the legal questions area.)

Yes, I'd say it is, and it's an abusive situation all round. This is not going to be easy at all. I'd suggest reporting it formally, but it's going to need very careful handling if your sister is still siding with him at this point (very common, sadly- people often don't see what's happening to them when they're in the middle of it).

I also want to say yes to reporting him for drink driving, as he could easily kill someone. You can do this anonymously, if you need to.

Good luck. This is not good, for your sister or for anyone else involved.

Do any serving officers/ DV specialists have any specific advice here? Go to the full post


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#1 Daveway69

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 10:06 PM

I have a question and need guidance.

My sister (half sister) has told me that her fiancé has held her down and had sex when she never wanted to. I would call this rape but she does not see it that way. She uses excuses that he was drunk and that she only carried on to keep peace. When she told him that he hurt her then he just laughed.

What can I do in this situation when she has not told anyone else other than me what her fiancé is like?

I have confronted him with the allegation and he naturally took offence and has offered violence and is now seeking revenge. Can I get a restraining order to stop him contacting my family?

Edited by Daveway69, 09 November 2012 - 10:10 PM.


#2 Daveway69

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 10:14 PM

Also meant to add that he drinks heavily in the evenings and drives the next morning. Should I report him?

#3 SWAT

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 11:53 PM

Yes that is rape. Never got consent, she never wanted it, and he forced it that is RAPE. He is also now threatning your family. So report it to the police. Very likely he will be jailed obviously..

#4 Anna32

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Posted 10 November 2012 - 08:10 AM   Best Answer

(Just moved this thread to the legal questions area.)

Yes, I'd say it is, and it's an abusive situation all round. This is not going to be easy at all. I'd suggest reporting it formally, but it's going to need very careful handling if your sister is still siding with him at this point (very common, sadly- people often don't see what's happening to them when they're in the middle of it).

I also want to say yes to reporting him for drink driving, as he could easily kill someone. You can do this anonymously, if you need to.

Good luck. This is not good, for your sister or for anyone else involved.

Do any serving officers/ DV specialists have any specific advice here?

#5 marralass

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Posted 10 November 2012 - 09:02 AM

I doubt that reporting th rape is going to get you anywhere if your sister won't make a complaint. Getting her to see sense and leave him is going to be an uphill battle. I suggest you buy a dictaphone and use it to discretly record any further conversations with him, this way you will have evidence of any further threats, as he can be prosecuted for making threats.

It would also be a good idea to report him for the drunk driving, not only is it likely to save lives but it will also get his drink problem on record and may help a future prosecution for the abuse.

#6 Frank Drebin

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Posted 10 November 2012 - 02:13 PM

I doubt that reporting th rape is going to get you anywhere if your sister won't make a complaint. Getting her to see sense and leave him is going to be an uphill battle. I suggest you buy a dictaphone and use it to discretly record any further conversations with him, this way you will have evidence of any further threats, as he can be prosecuted for making threats.

It would also be a good idea to report him for the drunk driving, not only is it likely to save lives but it will also get his drink problem on record and may help a future prosecution for the abuse.


I'll just politely point out here that it's not as straight forward as that. Yes, he could potentially be prosecuted for making certain specific threats, depends on exactly what he is saying and doing. Just 'threats' no. So many people call police because of something the don't like on face book thinking we will sort all their problems for them. We can't and won't.

As for a restraining order, that may be possible. If I were you I'd get down to the citizens advice bureau, they should be able to point you in the right direction for that sort of thing.

#7 Daveway69

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Posted 10 November 2012 - 05:34 PM

All good advice... Thank you.

I agree that my Sister should be the one to report the rape and abuse.... even as a starting point I told her that she needs to let her family know what is going on. She is a half sister to me that I never even knew I had until 3 years ago so I have no say in her side of the family.

I have alerted the local police about his drinking and driving but it's catching him in the act that is the problem. I live 600 miles away from them and I can't call it in when it is actually happening.... because I do not know 100% when it is happening.




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