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Harasment and Threats - Advice Needed


Best Answer gripper, 21 November 2012 - 09:09 AM

Get your daughter to tell him,you will be contacting his unit, about his behaviour,that should be enough to stop him.
If he continues, then contact them.
I sympathise with your situation, however, being ex forces myself.
Would you have contacted his employer if he worked for McDonald's?. Go to the full post


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12 replies to this topic

#1 Mossycat

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Posted 20 November 2012 - 08:11 PM

I really don't want to trouble my local station with this so I thought I'd seek a bit of advice here.

My teenage daughter (19) recently broke off a relationship, her Ex is having a real problem 'moving on' and has now resorted to making threats via text and over the phone. This has been going on for about 3 or 4 weeks now although I've only just found out.

The threats are the usual "If I see you with another guy I'll beat him up" kind of thing and also the usual name calling. I'm unsure if my daughter has retalliated with similar insults (she says not but I don't know for sure). I'm sure many of you will know exactly what I'm describing here and I really do appreciate that you have far more important things to do, but as a parent I am getting a bit concerned, hence why I am seeking some quick advice and guidance.

I'm 49 and I'm more than happy to have a 'strong word' with him, but he's only 20 and what I don't want is for it to 'blow-up' in my face and leave me facing any comeback (if he then makes allegations that I have threatened him etc, but I'm not happy about doing nothing.

He's in the Army and comes home quite a few weekends, am I right in thinking that if a complaint is made direct to his commanding officer that the Army have a mechanism for dealing with it and stomping on it once and for all, or is that something of an 'urban myth'

Any advice would be very much appreciated (and I apologise for using this forum as a MOP looking for help)

Mossycat

#2 SimonT

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Posted 20 November 2012 - 09:09 PM

Best to get your daughter to block his number, change hers, boot him off facebook and cut all ties. If that doesnt get the message across then he will deserve anything he gets and speaking with his commanding officer will most likely have much more of an impact than police.
If that doesnt work and things keep on then try police

#3 Mossycat

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Posted 20 November 2012 - 09:20 PM

Thanks for the reply.

We tried to get his number blocked but that wasn't possible (something about different networks and because he is on xyz and she is on abc they cannot block it). She really doesn't want to change her number but every other thing has been done (Facebook etc). Now I know the commanding office isn't an urban myth I'll give it a week or so and then if it hasn't stopped I'll exercise that option.

Thanks again

#4 gripper

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 09:09 AM   Best Answer

Get your daughter to tell him,you will be contacting his unit, about his behaviour,that should be enough to stop him.
If he continues, then contact them.
I sympathise with your situation, however, being ex forces myself.
Would you have contacted his employer if he worked for McDonald's?.

#5 Mossycat

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 09:19 AM

Get your daughter to tell him,you will be contacting his unit, about his behaviour,that should be enough to stop him.
If he continues, then contact them.
I sympathise with your situation, however, being ex forces myself.
Would you have contacted his employer if he worked for McDonald's?.


No I wouldn't have contacted his employer if it was McDonald's, as I tried to explain in my original post I really don't want to bother the police with this, apart from them having better things to do I also don't want to create any long-term problems for him (if it went to a caution or anything like that). I simply wanted to get my facts straight about if a commanding officer would intervene (I didn't know if it was an urban myth or not). I wasn't aware that McDonalds had a similar policy to the Army regarding conduct of their employees :tongue:

Since making the original post I have warned him that if he persists I will do that, so hopefully it will now cease.

Mossycat

Edited by Mossycat, 21 November 2012 - 09:21 AM.


#6 gripper

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 09:34 AM

From what you have said, it would appear to be a Police matter.
Phone 101 and let them deal.

#7 Mossycat

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 09:41 AM

From what you have said, it would appear to be a Police matter.
Phone 101 and let them deal.


OK genuine question (given that you are ex-forces and now a Police officer).

If it was you that was the ex-boyfriend (ie a 20 year old just starting your career) would you rather have a word from your C.O. or a word from the police

Mossycat

#8 gripper

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 10:12 AM

Both of them = trouble, so I would have stopped as soon as it was mentioned.
And hope he does too, for all concerned.
Phone your local Police, for advice, then tell him what they said, he will know you mean business.

#9 Mossycat

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

Phone your local Police, for advice, then tell him what they said, he will know you mean business.


That's a plan

Thank you

Mossycat

#10 SimonT

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 12:20 PM

Just to let you know, most police forces have a very strict domestic violence policy so although we can be asked for advice, it usually means an arrest as well. Its very hard to get us back in the box once opened

#11 Mossycat

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Posted 21 November 2012 - 02:07 PM

Just to let you know, most police forces have a very strict domestic violence policy so although we can be asked for advice, it usually means an arrest as well. Its very hard to get us back in the box once opened


Thank you, that was what I was alluding to earlier but didn't know the exact measures the Police would take. I really really don't want to screw up this guys future because I'm fairly certain that it's just the actions of a somewhat immature person who cannot accept that the relationship is over, but I really don't want my daughter to suffer anymore of this.

Thanks to all who have replied

Mossycat

#12 Mossycat

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Posted 25 November 2012 - 01:03 PM

UPDATE

It's been almost a week now since my daughter has any contact from him, no texts , no harassment, no nothing. I cannot tell you how relieved and happy she is.

Thank you to those who posted, your advice was spot on (once I mentioned involving the police and his commanding officer that seemed to do the trick, and to be honest I'm glad it didn't get to that stage)

Mossycat

#13 gripper

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Posted 25 November 2012 - 03:17 PM

I feel all warm inside now.
Lets hope he heeds the advice.




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