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If she has asked you not to contact her, in the eyes of the law that could be seen as harassment. I sympathise with you but you will have to go to court for access. If you are to be arrested and further down the line you do go to court, with this on your record, could be seen as a farther that isn't sensible. Its difficult with children involved but stick to the legal route and keep everything so when your child is old enough to understand you can show them how hard you tried. Do things proper and I shouldn't see any reason why you are not given access. Good luck
It seems a scary fact that someone has been issued with potentially a lethal weapon and does not know/understand how to use it proper. Surly the basics of policing taught that! (my personal opinion, of cause)